Forgiveness is very difficult, and sometimes impossible. It may be better just not to do those things for which you need to ask forgiveness?
Before death, many people begin to wonder. Everyone thinks about her, someone is sitting in the memory of the bad things that someone says is good, but all United in one way or another, people are thinking only about one thing: is there something there? A man selfish and vain, this is its basic stupidity, he naively believes that it’s necessary to leave something after itself, and really thinks that without him the world would be worse. No matter who you are, king or beggar, the world will not change after your death, there may be some events that will change the map of the world or something, but the scale of the universe, it is only a little spit in the vast ocean. For example, my grandfather once came up to me and put on the table a book about Jesus Christ that was given to me at school in the fifth grade. At the beginning of the 90s our English school came aliens, children of the new Russia, they were brought not only gum, like Huba Buba, but the literature of a religious nature. Then began a new fashion: do not love communism, and to love God. Therefore, the school administration did not oppose this literature. My grandfather was a Communist to the bone, died from a membership card under the pillow, the entire religion knocked out of him in the 37th, so the question: Why did he read it? Then and now, remains a mystery to me.
– Did you read it? “he asked
– No, I was writing English.
I do not know. Grandfather, please, let me finish me lessons, and what I have Present Perfect Continuous for stopped…
– Father, please…
I wonder if that’s true or not – he was puzzled.
I do not know. What’s the difference? – I tried to finish the sentence.
OK, sorry… – he took the brochure and left.
Perhaps, in the end of his life he’s wanted to believe. As the philosopher said: If God did not exist, it would come up with. To trust people? Stupid. State? Even more stupid. To believe in yourself. Probably, but it is only for 85 years had no strength to make myself believe…
“Where is he? hospital ran a young man.
– Who is he? – the woman on reception didn’t understand the question.
Morozov Sergey Ivanovich, you the old man brought today…
– And you who is he?
Wait. Sit down.
Nurse somewhere started to call and find out where he had been a man, and in which room he was in.
– Well, what? – hooked buddy to Igor.
I do not know.
– A young man. Can pass only briefly. Only wear Shoe covers and gown.
– How is he?
– Bad… – said the nurse.
– You go? – asked the man.
– Go for a smoke better, I pulled on Shoe covers and Igor walked down the corridor.
Single room was more like a memorial hall, rather than a regular room, where VIP patients. The dying person fills any place with a kind of despair and realize that the journey is completed. The young man opened the door and went inside. The old man lay and stared out the window, a bunch of the wires that was connected to him felt like a spider web, which came from this man.
– Grandpa, are you okay? – sat next to Igor.
– Cool! – turned my head, man.
– Do not understand?
– You never mind no different. If I’m nailed to the bunk and never rise again from it, how do you think I am? The logic is enabled, you idiot! – flashed the eyes of a man.
– Sorry – he lowered his gaze to the floor young man.
– Sit down – pointed to the chair man.
– Father, I…
– Shut up, just shut up. Your chatter that you’re sorry and stuff, not interesting to me, I have no time to empty.
– Then, what can I do?
– Man can stay. Okay, let me tell you a story, and I hope you’ll understand and won’t deny me my last request.
– Grandfather, but all that…. – did not finish Igor
– I don’t need anything. You don’t interrupt and listen.
The guy nodded.
– When I was 12-13 years old, parents rented a dacha on the table and nodded at the coffee table old You will find the name of the village, in the same letter. You need to find one person – the old man cleared his throat – I’m not sure that he’s alive, then at least find his grave and lay on it the letter.
Do. – timidly asked the young man, taking the envelope and looking at the address.
– I was in my Teens was ‘ interrupted the old man, Igor – Got a cigarette?
– Grandfather! You can’t.
I didn’t ask permission, I asked for a cigarette…
– There is room.
– There is a house for which I pay, as a clinic in Switzerland.
The grandson did not argue and lit a cigarette. To argue with the old man was useless, and bombers from the cigarette will not become worse. Grandfather drew in smoke and exhaled, closing his eyes.
And as the boys? Affirmation, often at the expense of the weak. In the village there lived a guy, he was older than us, just not a couple of years, he could not see, such points he had, with great lenses – showed the thickness of the glass, man, its thumb and fingers – We always teased him, joking, as they say. And once the parents got together, celebrated some birthday, and we managed to steal a bottle of wine or brandy, I don’t remember. Drank, threw up, went to wander through the village and met this “mole”. First just called, and then the man threw a stone at him, small. He never even ran, just turned his back and walked slowly until we threw stones at him, twilight, and so he could not see where to Dodge. My stone hit him in the head… you can See threw very hard so I twisted the brush well and shouted that supposedly hurt his hand – the old man again exhaled, hand shaking, it was evident that he was very nervous – the Mole grabbed the back of his head, I punched him in the head, he was under the lamp, turned around, took off his glasses, and I saw his eyes. He was almost blind, but God, I’ve seen a lot of people in my life, but people with such eyes I have never seen. Submissive and happy, happy because it simply lives and do not have to see this fucking World to live. He just said, “Put it on the hand salve and all will be good” smiled and went on. A thin trickle of blood, as the band noted on the back of his head… I did a lot of bad for life – the old man said, But before he died, a week I think about it, it seems to me that I apologize then, or even better, throw a stone at it, I wouldn’t be so hard to die, I like the granite slab inside the lie.
– Father, don’t beat yourself up… All in the childhood and especially in youth, makes mistakes sighed grandchild.
– All is not an excuse. For myself I must answer. Go find him, please, I can’t apologize to those offended, but I’ll try at least to begin with, who unjustly wronged first, let him be the last… – turned back to the window man.
Grandson silently went out into the corridor, examining the envelope and address, no last name, only the name: Stepan. Igor got out of the hospital and got in the car.
– Well, what is it? – yawn man
– One person must find…
– Find name and address, say – took the phone Alexander
In that case, no last name, the name and the village where he lived 56 years ago…
– Out of your mind? It’s half a century!
– Let’s face it, I grandfather promised.
Yaroslavl highway, which left friends like always sick on a Friday night, vacationers of all stripes, from farmers to applicants kebabs sought in their castles and huts to relax from the urban bustle. Friends were talking amongst themselves, discussing how they’ll look for the old man, or at least his grave. Their path went to Celuju, old cottages, where at one time tried the party elite and their underlings. At all times and in every nation, there are bosses and slaves and no one system will not change this disposition, because there are always those who are smarter, but rather resourceful, and more cunning than others. Parents grandfather Igor was one of these, the grandfather was so, Igor’s parents were only Igor himself was, as he called the father “the foundling.” When friends of Igor EN masse arrived in MGIMO and MGU, and someone went abroad, he entered the historical faculty of the University of mossy, eternal demon, the silversmith, for which priority was the past, not a dull moment in which all are chasing happiness, often not realizing that sometimes it just close.
– Bad it’s – yawn Sanya – blind If he was already dead for a long time.
– Well then, the grave will search.
– Oh, Igor, you’re really blessed, you realize how much there is land? Its in the 90s surely transported for the hundredth kilometer.
– No harm in trying.
– Your business – dived in his pocket Sanya and drove toward the city to go to turn on Celuju.
Friends traveled about an hour through the village, asking about the half-blind old man named Stepan.
– Everything! – I sat back Sasha is Dead. Tell him that found the grave and put the envelope.
I can’t do that.
– Igorek. Him that the main thing? He apologized and all, with a sense of accomplishment go away.
– I can’t…
– Stubborn you. How so? This is a white lie. Don’t be stupid. Went, tomorrow will go to my grandfather and say that put on the grave, etc.
– Go, I’m still home like.
– What are the houses, the owners a million times already changed.
– I’ll go…
Fuck. Okay, let’s at least at the station, take a trip, cigarettes buy and devour, and then on new entry?
“It’s too late…
Half an hour will not solve anything.
– Okay – sighed Igor.
The friends bought cigarettes, and went in a small cafe, numerous noisy, drunken company filled the summer air with shouts and toasts. Taking a kebab and a coke, they sat down at a plastic table to eat.
– Well, where are we going? – took a bite of the tough meat Sanya
I do not know. Let’s drive by the old houses, maybe there is who knows what.
– Yes, there are such times-two and obchelsya.
Is better than the cottages around there just do not know – sipped coke Igor
– Your mother! Sash put on jeans and ketchup – I now, the cloth take – he stood up from the table.
– To take! he commanded the Manager of the porters who unloaded the Gazelle who brought the goods.
– Where you’re going? Blind or what? – otodor Sanya dziadok, who came up against him a box of chicken.
Igor looked up and saw an old man in glasses with huge lenses, which smiled and, adjusting the box said:
– Sorry, I accidentally…
– Look… – frowned at Sasha.
Igor stood up and walked to the old man:
– Yes! – smiled the old man
– May I speak to you?
– Of course. Only I have a job, maybe later, holding a box in his hands man.
– Later not.
“Well…” said the old man.
So, we will help you unload faster – suggested Igor
– Fucked up ” sighed Sasha
– It’s not me – smiled the old man.
– You the Manager here? approached the man a severe look, Igor
– We for the old man unload quickly, okay?
– Whatever, make it fall off, I only pay for one – yawn man
Even with a couple of men friends unloaded the Gazelle and went to the house of Stepan. On the way, Igor explained why he was looking for it. The old man just smiled sweetly and nodded.
– Honestly – he laughed, adjusted his glasses, ” I am grateful to your grandfather. I don’t know how this has affected, but after the strike I stopped to lose sight, no, I still see very bad, but see.
You can come with us and to tell him that? To say that I forgive him?
– Of course. But, I think it’s too late, spend the night with me, and in the morning, I would go. Honestly ” the old man said – I was in Moscow 10 years was not. Beautiful she must have been?
– You do not go away? – surprised Sasha.
– Yes, everything is there, the man helped the café to get a loader, why? Better than to wipe his pants at home. And for seeds I…
It’s dark, tomorrow will see ” smiled the old man, My late father in the cottages gardener was flowers – my life, my mom, died when I was 5 was not. So with my dad growing up, he instilled in me a love of flowers.
– And the family? – Igor asked
– Could not see probably the only one, I’m half-blind ” laughed the old man.
– How you have turned out expensive land? – turned to the house Sanya
– And for what? – in all seriousness asked the old man.
– Well, disabled… Land here is expensive.
The old man took off his glasses, pulled out and began to clean them. Alexander looked in the rear view mirror and saw the eyes of the old man. The universe was watching him, invisible and infinite, like the Genesis…
To see optional eye – glasses on an old man.
The car stopped near the house, and friends came out, Igor opened the door and helped the old man out of the car.
– N.! – cried the neighbor who unloaded products with Kaena– You’re back already?
– Yes, Vit.
– Everything all right with you?
– Yes, thank you.
– Will you come tomorrow?
– I’m in the city
– Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah. Who’s this with you?
– Clear – examined the stern gaze of strangers, a man under two meters tall.
After sitting for a bit over tea, in a modest house of Stepan Nikolaevich friends went to sleep, although the old man did not want to let go of Igor, he was very fond of history, but because of what I saw is bad, read with difficulty. The next morning, the friends opened the truth of a marvelous garden, the old man half-blind among the pine trees on a small plot of land broke a truly magnificent garden. After Breakfast, they went to Moscow, where was Igor’s grandfather.
When he entered the hospital and approached the receptionist Igor saw the family…
– Where are you shlyaeshsya?! Do not call! – started to scream mother
– Sat phone,…
You’re an idiot! Lord, but who are you? Who is it? – he nodded toward the old lady.
– Grandfather asked him to find.
– The homeless man? You’re crazy!
“Hello” smiled the old man.
The father is on the way. An hour ago he died – said sternly to the woman.
“I’m sorry” sighed Stepan Nikolaevich.
– Who are you anyway? – flashed the famines lady.
“Mom calm down.
Calm down? This old idiot left everything to the orphanage! Can you imagine? Lapsed into senility in the end, you idiot!
– Mom, I ask.
– You visited him?
– Yes, yesterday….
“What is it?
– Was asked to find Stepan Nikolaevich to apologize to him.
– What to do?
– To apologize.
– In front of the homeless?
– In front of a man, mom… Man… I love you – kissed by mother, Igor – And you can go to him? – asked Igor to the nurse, who watched by relatives.
– He asked and smiled at the old man.
– Come on, don’t be long, it will soon be taken away.
– Igor wait!
– Mom, we now…
The old man and Igor gone to the house.
– I’m sorry that I tortured you, took the hand of the deceased, Stepan Nikolaevich, sitting on the bed, And I forgive you for everything. Sorry I can’t see your face, but it is not important, the main thing I see that you were human and left them.
– You handed the envelope Igor
– What is it? – asked the old man
– A letter.
– I can’t see, read…
Igor opened the envelope and unfolded a piece:
“I understand that I can’t change what I did, I am well aware of this, but can not change anything, all I can do is to prevent this and fix it by means of what I earned. I give and bequeath all his money to the orphanages, where children live with disabilities in sight and hearing, I sincerely hope that this money will help them get stones after him and they don’t have to turn around on the rocks, flying in pursuit. I’m sorry Stephen, I was stupid and in the shadow of Genesis did not see the fact…”
A month later.
– Stepan Nikolaevich! – got out of the car Igor
– Came the old man walked to the gate
– How are you? – hugged the old man Igor
– Excellent, waiting for you. Even the grill is brought lit, meat only, waiting, smiled grandfather – And that you – gave fresh roses to the girl, Stepan Nikolaevich.
– Shouldn’t have…
– Cost, cost… Your today will fulfill them, will retell Karamzin ” the old man grinned.
– Always ready – smiled at Igor.
– Razrushiteli and a smiling man.