The groom.

In the life of every woman or girl there comes a time when she wants to get married. But sometimes such a desire women have for a very long time, then come in mom, whining about grandchildren and dads, who tolerate brain mothers, and they are forced to drive daughters married, only to have them rolled back in his old age. Women increasingly build a career, get education, do business, because reliable for us bunch of Cunts, every year less and less. Yes, and universal equality, a constant struggle for women’s rights are doing their job, just sometimes do not even want to mess with another star from the Moscow sky…

She’s beautiful, she’s 35, she sits and looks at me as if rags chooses another or decoration.
– Something wrong? – examine myself.

I don’t know.
– Clear…
– We’re friends, Alex?
– Kind of Yes, although you know, our friendship started after you threw me in laptop and you phone.
– I’ll just say that we have nothing!
– Never stand between then legs.
– You were very convincing. So we’re friends?
“What do you want from me?
– I always helped?
– Well, you fucking shit! Tell me what you need? Tired of this Jewish squabble.
– Helped?
– I’m now once again throw the phone!
– Do not mind?
– No, it’s cheap and heavy, especially the kind you buy to fools to throw.
I don’t mind?
– So, now Natus, open the skull and rewind on your cassette deck the tape back. There will be a question: What do you want?
– You like the ring? – she shows a ring on the ring finger of the right hand.
– Crap not live!
– We assume that like.
– For example, the wife of Copernicus, you can in short, no foreplay?
– You gave it to me…
– In what way?
– You say all the moves are recorded. I do not recall that I gave the ring.
– You will wait. I bought a ring, but my parents bought it for me you.
– So, with the words: “My parents” more…
– We go to visit them, and say that you made an offer. And, they got me already.
Cocks like wood! I don’t turn up…
– Sasha, I’m a lot of services provided for life, so you need to.
Is any such service?
I remember you took a drunk from the bar?
– Honey, I took you because you could not go.
Well, same was near?
– All right, Natasha. The conversation is over, you have the ring is beautiful, only good… I stood up from the table.
– Well, please…
– You guys a bunch, ask someone, they in such a case, every ring buy.
– Just, you know, dad is a military man, and he doesn’t really like their men warehouse. And you, too…
– Me too what?
– A kind of…
– You’re making it sound like an insult.
– Sasha, please, I’ll do anything.
– I don’t need anything.
– Just visiting for an hour and everything, and then you dumped me or you, well, anything can happen.
– She-e-e, better you for me, I don’t want your daddy to me from the prize, 5 times awarded the…
“You see, we have already found a common language! she smiled.
We’re not found, I will not go there. God forbid that your father will cut me into pieces and sent to all military units, as a souvenir.
– Coward?
– I’m not a coward, but when talking about your butt in panties doing…
Okay, I’ll pay you.
– The hour is not easier. Nature?
– Want kind…
Fuck you married wanted! The head is not fought?
– Sasha, they’re annoying, especially the mother. I have the word grandchildren, the nervous TIC begins.
– Speaking of diapers… If we break up later, the kids still bye-bye, and why all this circus?
– The year of the pull somehow, and there may be a decent find.
– Hereby you come up with, mother and me to the bottom drag.
“Yes, jeez-what do you expect? Came, sat, paused and rolled.
– Natusya, your dad’s a General in military intelligence, he me in the ass Obama will find, and if you leave me, and you can, too, so you’ll have to look for the cause: drink, bill, walked. Accordingly, we’re back to talking about ass.
– I do not hurry, before Saturday a lot of time, they have now.
– What-Oh?
– I knew you would not agree, so tell them everything.
– Something somewhere mate all of the heads disappeared. Remained only the desire to kill you! You ohrenela?!
– Come on, everything will be fine, you just be natural.
– Forgot to add: Pants removable don’t forget to take with you.
– I ran, – she kissed me and walked out of the cafe.
Bitch ” I sighed.
The father of Natalia was frostbitten on his head a Martinet, and in all senses. He was always yelling, just suppressing those who were near. Then he softened, and when the bread was relaxed, he started to yell with double strength. Because of the snot of his wife, he drove his daughter in marriage, and on the other hand drove all who approached her. Push-pull, in a General’s uniform. The apartment was more like a parade, which marched everything, even two cats and a dog, it seemed to me when first meeting him, they gave him honour as he passed. He was also the first daughter of 45 years, whom he so zashugannyh she always nervously laughed. And in this situation married and did not leave. Well, how to live with a woman who constantly nervously giggling, and then crying. His bass was forced to shake not only the window, but the floor in the house. Probably in the morning when the entrance was heard his voice, everything stretched to attention, took out the trash, went out with the dogs and went to work chasing a step.
Here’s a family, the demon and the three sad snake.
Every night until Saturday I was awake before my eyes was this screaming individual, and I all the dreams were very small and fucked-up spirit, and he is a big fat General, in the cap as a helipad. I ran away from it on the part, vainly hiding, but he still found me and pussy. In the end he killed me and I woke up in a cold sweat. And the next night, like the legend of Prometheus, when he eagle pecked out the liver, and it grows again, it all started again. My races and it kicks my skinny ass. By Saturday I have already earned tremor and tics, becoming similar to the groom, and the denizens of crazy. hospital.
On Saturday we met with Natalia, who was walking with a huge bouquet and a package in his hands from the store.
– What have you come? I stopped myself…
– Not necessary, my going, to could get away quickly, though your dad and “fly” can hit me.
– Stop being so dramatic. So, a bunch of mom and father brandy in the package. Understand?
– Understood, understood, from what the goat tail raised.
– What’s with the eye? – she stroked my face.
– Nothing… Twitches and shaking hands, thank you dear…
Give me a pill and everything will be okay. Sedative good.
– I was so calm, forever and ever.
– Sasha!
– Natasha? You’re not the father, you monster! Avalanche from Elbrus goes when he is in Moscow yelling.
– Don’t exaggerate!
– Exaggerate? Do you remember when I held you once, and he took me home, he shouted that two cats and a dog of yours, heap imposed, more than themselves. Yes, I’m ashamed to say, let slegantsa. He’s crazy! He is constantly yelling. Salad pass quickly! And Windows shake, but the chicken in the salad begins to revive.
– You’re constantly yelling…
– I yell? Yes, I mouse shabby compared to him.
– Okay, no, let’s go.
– In short, if I die, my death will be on your conscience.
– Oh, Sasha…
– Oh, Natasha – I started with places and we went to zaniatsa.
The yard was suspiciously quiet, no children, no dogs, seen recently, there were General, so it all blew away and scattered all over the district. Natasha took the bouquet from the backseat and handed it to me along with the package.
“Natasha, I forgot what your name is, time that has passed is full.
– Lev and Tamara.
– But, sister?
– It will not.
– Durkee is?
The fool. In Spain rests.
Happy ” I sighed and looked at the burning Windows, garden apartment.
We went up to the floor and stepped out of the Elevator.
Stop, hold – I gave Natasha flowers and a package of cognac.
– What are you doing? I’ll be there.
– 5 minutes – I climbed in my pocket and took out his wallet and carefully took out the icon and began to pray.
– Stop joking!
– Sgin unclean….
– I wish Alex asked.
– And asked.
Come on, before it is too late.
Is a very optimistic statement.
Natasha rang the doorbell, there came the swarming and barking dogs, then a loud voice:
Chapa, shut up the fuck! Your!
– Started to echo through the mountains of the Caucasus, ” I sighed.
– Shut up…
The door swung open and before us appeared the General in all its glory, on this occasion, he even donned his jacket. He looked sternly at us.
The time, your mother! – boomed he looked At the clock? Late for 5 minutes! You that’s the canteen? – shouted he.
– Dad, just with Parking trouble.
– Brains you have trouble! – he bellowed – Promised in 20:00 means 20:00 and not a minute later. There is no Parking? The machine on the floor pull! – kept yelling at him.
– Dad, I’m so sorry.
“Comrade General, it’s my fault – for some reason I blurted out.
– Fault in the form of answer, and then standing with sleazy naked shake! “he bellowed.
Prayed comrade General, before to meet you! I stood up at attention.
– Joke! – he frowned – Laughter humor prolongs life, but not for long ” he roared.
– Dad, he really prayed very nervous.
– He prayed… Pray before his death, and never to go Woo!
– Dad, can we go, huh? So the whole staircase is already aware of our Affairs.
– We have nothing to hide! We always lived honestly, let them hear! – started to scream General.
– Leo, please – came to us mother Natasha, worn and tired.
Feminine offspring going! Come on in! – he closed the door behind us.
I helped Natasha take off the coat and began to remove her shoes under the watchful gaze of the General. He clearly was not happy with my person. I took off one Shoe and put it on the floor near the Mat.
– Blind or what? On the Mat for shoes put! “he roared
I surprise just fell off as I was standing on one leg.
Are you drunk or what? Sways!
– No, comrade General! – I gave him a bag
– What’s that? – he looked inside.
– Brandy is French, good.
French and good cannot be combined! Here vodka on alpha, then Yes – he boomed – Natasha bought myself a French Citroen of some kind, going to masturbate, not that our UAZ.
Is you – I gave a bouquet to the mother
– A broom. A vacuum cleaner would be brought in. Okay, hands washed and at the table – he boomed – And so from the graph pulls.
– All right, ” whispered Natasha.
– What is good? Evil like a dog.
– No, he’s good.
– Okay, where to wash hands?
– Come on, show…
We both washed up and entered the hall, there at the table sat Lev and watched telly, assessing the international environment.
– Here zhezh American condoms! Well, where to climb? Because of three strikes that Obama is back on the palm pound! – shouted it and banged his fist on the table. Jumped up plates and bottles, with them jumped and all of us, even a sleeping cat, flew half a meter from the Palace.
– Lev!
– What’s Left? What’s Left? Crack once and all! All the snot on the shoulder straps is wound, the generals fucking! he continued to yell.
– Well, it all started watered. information from the horse’s mouth – I whispered to Natasha.
– Why did you stop that as a? For the table! “he roared
We sat at the table. I stared at the plate and began to examine the patterns.
– There is no food! What you Zenko wipe? – boomed the General.
Just beautiful – I shrugged his shoulders.
The beautiful plate when there is food there, and everything else is rubbish!
Mother you what you are worth!
Tamara began to lay out the salad and appetizers, meanwhile General material on the TV and everyone in it, we with Natasha sat silent, only occasionally looking up. At the bottom of the table appeared Chapa, Coker had a complete nervous breakdown, his eyes was like he was already in a parallel universe. I slipped him a piece of sausage.
– Do not feed the dog! – banged his fist General, and again all the utensils flew, the cat has not even woke up, he just jumped in my sleep. – Shits on the carpet, your face wipe! – he yelled at me.
– Sorry!
Okay, need to drink he began to pour the vodka.
– I’m driving, I’m sorry…
– We will spend the night! – he roared – well container.
But, I have to work tomorrow… tried to jump me.
– Oh-Oh-Oh? – he boomed.
– Say thank you – I put a glass and he poured. I took it and stood up.
Why are you up? Does not pass?
– Just a toast…
– So, tell me… If I stood up like a cock… ” he sighed.
– Lev, Tamara, I am very glad that today you were able to accept us. Thank you, that covered such a gorgeous table. And, of course, a huge thank you for such a beautiful daughter you raised. Want to drink for you and your health…
– All? – looked sternly at me Lev.
– In General…
– Finally! – he drank and ate meats.
I had a little SIP and put his glass he noticed it but said nothing, only grinned.
– And how you decided? – asked Tamara.
– Well, how… Just comes, the moment when you realize that you can’t live without a man.
– It is so beautiful!
– Yeah, much better! – boomed the General – In our time everything was easier, by the horns and in a stall! Without any understanding!
– Lev…
– What’s Left? Remember how we got married? Said we Have three hours went to sign, then move away. All! Point. And then, how many years have twisted brains!
– I’m not spinning…Just people looking at each other.
– What is there to see! – shouted he – Sucks you see that? So buy sunglasses!
– I don’t mean it like that.
– Uh, I mean. The brains of each other cool as Kerry Lavrov! – he banged his fist on the table and the bowl of salad still turned over.
“Leo, what are you….
– Nothing! – he poured another vodka – Let’s the dishes – he told me.
– I have, thank you.
– Where you just get these! – he waved the glass.
Of course, I could answer him, so much so that his ears wilted, but, first, he was an old man, and secondly do a military General, not a staff rat anyway, I wouldn’t argue with a man when he revels in his superiority? In fact, he, in addition, ora and cry left? Pension…
While mother Natasha gathered the salad, and the General again plunged into a showdown with Telecom, I quietly walked out and went to wash, to recover myself after verbally diarrhea General.
– What are you doing here? walked over to Natasha.
– Washed…
– Sasha, well, hold on a bit longer.
– A little? We overnight here to stay! You said only an hour or two.
– I didn’t know.
– Now know better?
– Well, what you have here! – came the General in the hallway – Escape up to? – he boomed.
– No, dad just Sasha washed.
What does he wash himself can not?
– Can I just…
– What are you? Go mother better help!
– Yes, dad – I went into the room Natasha.
We returned to the table, and the dinner continued, closer to 11pm, the General had already sucked down a bottle, but was sober as glass, bitch experience. He continued to do the full Barry white, occasionally banging his fist on the table, turning over the different plates. Each blow, as if a nail went into my head, so at the end of the evening, I’ve got a wicked headache.
– Are you okay? – asked Tamara.
– Of course, bad married man! – laughed the General, who by the end of the evening a little thawed.
Yeah, just my head hurts a little.
– The head is not an ass, tie up, and lie down!
– I’m with Natasha in Svetnoy room bed…
– Mom, I…
– Both go!
We left him alone, he intently looked me over, then he poured vodka in the glasses. He sighed and drank, then sat down beside me.
– You know you like the penalty box at the front now?
– In what sense?
– For the betrayal of the shooting that hurt the execution if you will drink a shot for failure to comply with my orders….
– The shooting… ” I sighed and drank.
– Smart! Oh, and if today at least one peep out of the room to hear…
– Also the shooting – I ate.
– Exactly – he rose and he climbed into the box – You’ve seen my premium?
I’ve seen it.
– Well – he removed him back.
– Can I go? Tomorrow, though, to work.
– Come – he waved his hand – Well at least it works, idiot, ” he sighed after me.
Half an hour later, everything calmed down, we went to bed, I turned my head to the side, the head is not released.
– Sasha, are you asleep?
– Natasha?
And, you’re done, lasted – she hugged me.
– Arms — – I removed her hand from herself.
– Do you mind??? – she wondered.
– I categorically against, first your dad said you gonna shoot me if the noise will be here, and secondly I have a headache… God I can’t believe I say this! You know, I think that when you women say that you have a headache, you where your dad lives.
– Well, Sasha…
“Natasha, get lost, huh? Christ the love of God, get out. Let me sleep.
– Well, okay! Goat you…- she turned away.
The night I slept horribly, my head didn’t stop hurting, I tossed and turned, thereby a couple of times to Wake Natasha, who was unhappy that I had driven her out of bed. In the morning in the corridor came the cat, who began yelling hysterically, Natasha’s dad could not tolerate such a dirty trick and began to chase him, cursing harshly. He could hear the whistling of the sneaker throughout the apartment. Then like all has calmed down again, and I wink, bass announced to the whole apartment:
– Lifting!
On the machine I stood up and tried to gather my thoughts, but they are spread over the bass, which is wafting through the apartment. I somehow got dressed and left the room.
– Oh! Long Wake up! … – He stretched out the dog’s leash.
– What is it?
– Blind! Leash it, go with the dog walk! There are no freeloaders! All need to do something! he began to yell in my ear.
And, are you awake? – in the morning I still do not really know what to say.
– Lead! – shouted he.
– Right, I’m coming…- but I’ll somehow put on a dog leash, and we went into the yard. On the bench I was stuck, unique, stuck the dog, seen standing op the owner and she was not allowed to sleep. For a moment it seemed to me that even a dream has started to dream.
– What are you doing, dolt! – has echoed around the yard, a familiar growl to the General.
– I – I mumbled to myself.
– Lifting! And walk the dog! he shouted from the window.
Staggering, I walked around the yard, Coker went even slower than I am. He didn’t want to, nor big, nor small, must have had one desire: to die soon. Half an hour later, we are holding each other, entered the apartment.
Oh, sherochka with masherochkoy appeared! You then there is the goat on the bench scoring? – boomed the General.
– Yeah…- I removed the leash from the dog and shoes with yourself.
– On the Mat, dammit! – shouted the General.
I put the shoes on a Mat for shoes and went into the room.
– Coffee? – asked Tamara.
– Yes, if you stronger, and that, I’m only up to the first pillar drive, sleepy.
Because you are not able to ride! With one hand in his pants lead, the other lead – barked the General.
– Dad!
– You can shut up! Three years, three accidents!
– Dad’s in the Hull, everything is fine…
– Helmet in my garage, from back in Afghanistan lies, and you have green snot under his nose, and a terrible sense of direction! – shouted the General.
– Let’s just get some Breakfast calmly put the Cup on the table Tamara.
Is it all the work done?
– Who? – I looked at Lev Alexandrovich.
– Member of mine! The dog, of course, you with him walk.
Yeah, kind of, I have not looked at it.
Hell if you walk the dog, even if you don’t understand shit or not?! again started yelling General.
– Well, I’m sorry, I’m not a specialist. seen as you. Next time you go ” I yawned, realizing that I’m getting dick all.
– A joke, right?! Funny! Just when he shits…
– Yes, but… did You wipe his shit to my face.
– Exactly! again he started yelling.
I’ve finished my coffee and we went to the exit, meanwhile the General ran around the apartment and screaming, what an idiot I am an idiot, that people like me should be put to the wall, and put them on three times a day. Saying goodbye to Tamara Nikolaevna, we went downstairs and went to the car.
– In principle, all that went well – said Natasha – If you had followed the dog in the morning…
– Sorry, did not meet expectations.
– No, it’s okay! Sash?
– What?
And, generally we could get married for real, what do you think?
– Honey, easy!
– Yes?
– Once at your father’s funeral. But it will happen in 50 years!
Beast, did you!
– She said I like him. Train – I opened her car door.

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